Q: What's the difference between a trombone and a lawnmower?
A: It's easier to find work in the summer with a lawnmower.  

Q:    What's the difference between a puppy and a folk singer?
A:    Eventually the puppy stops whining.

Q:   How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A:   5, 1 to change the light bulb and 4 to keep the guitarist from hogging all the light.

Q:   How do you know a lead singer is at your door?
A:   He always forgets his key and he comes in at the wrong time.

Q:   Why do drummers have a pea sized brain?
A:   Alcohol makes the brain swell!!

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I think I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q:    What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
A:    New Age music.

Q:   How many roadies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:   Eleven- you got a problem with that?

Q:   How do you get a Rock musician off the front porch?
A:   Pay for the pizza.

Q:   What will it take to reunite the Beatles?
A:   3 more bullets.

A Jazz musician and a Rock musician were chatting, and the former asks "so how come you guys can afford all that PA gear you carry around with you?". "Well it's simple", said the Rock musician, "just think of all the money we saved on music lessons".

Q:   How do you know a drummer is at your door?
A:   The knocking keeps speeding up and slowing down.

Q:   What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza?
A:    A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common?
A: You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.

Q:   How do you get a guitar player to turn down  his volume?
A:    Put music in front of him.

Q:    What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
A:    Homeless.

Q:   How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ?
A:  Evidently all of them.

Q:   How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A:   None, the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.

Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on earth. The first musician says he was a Country Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hoorah!  The second musician says "I was a jazz musician...kill me now!"

Q:  What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? 
A:  You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

"Madam, you have an instrument between your legs that could bring pleasure to thousands, yet you insist on sitting there and scratching it!" -- Sir Thomas Beechum, conductor, to a cellist with whose performance he was displeased!

Q:   Why are there four strings on a bass?
A:   Three are spares.

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."  At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off. 
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!" 
"Bass solo."

This guy says to his wife "Oh, baby, I can play you just like a violin." His wife says, "But I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!"

Q:    What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A:    "The Defendant"