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Worst Gigs |
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'Drummers are from Pluto'
by Mike From AFGM |
Men are from Mars and women are from
Venus...........and bloody Drummers are from PLUTO.!!!-That was a line from
the very funny film, Still Crazy which featured the Hilarious Timothy Spall
as the Wild and uncultured Drummer in Strange Fruit-a band of Middle aged
men who reformed to play the Wisbech Rock Festival after some 25 years away
from the Music Scene. The reason I have highlighted Drummers is that in my
experience (which believe me is too vast and spans a period of time that I
don’t wish to mention) the Drummer is undoubtedly in most cases the Wildest,
most unpredictable member in the Band and is the most likely individual to
be incapable to perform through the excesses of Alcohol or perhaps doesn’t
show at all at a Rehearsal or Gig because he’s chasing someone’s Wife or is
running from the Taxman or the Old Bill!!! What a great Club we belong to.
Anyone who is not a Drummer couldn’t possibly understand the angst and
Trauma of Driving a rock Band along, propelling the other Members of the
Band through Two Hours of pain sweat and Physical torture...........You have
to be someone very Special to achieve this and a fair degree of insanity
goes a long way also. Yes the age old joke about the man hanging around
Musicians is the
Drummer always makes me chuckle but without him any Band is without doubt
impotent and sterile as a result. |
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Well this brings me to my worst Gig
experience.-Many moons ago (even before the dreaded Breathalyser which many
Drummers I know have had to try and blow into since!) I was the Drummer in a
covers Band that had been booked to play at a very Posh Wedding on a 35 Acre
estate somewhere near Cheltenham. A huge and very expensive Marquee was
erected and a stage was contained therein for our Performance. The
Banqueting was of the highest standard with a Carvery, many and varied cold
Meats, home baked Bread, Pate all manner of Salads/vegetables and then a
fantastic selection of English and Continental Cheeses-not to mention the
Gateaux’s and Fruit Salad and profiteroles and Strawberries and Cream!!!-All
this to be washed down with lashings of Champagne. This wonderful fayre
reminded me that all I had had that day was a Stale Pork pie and a bag of
Pork scratchings!!!
The Gig itself went O.K. and after the Obligatory Hi-Ho Silver Lining we
ended the Gig to Rapturous applause and the proceeded to take full advantage
of the Food and Booze on offer! Well it would be rude not to and in true
Drummers tradition I was knocking back the beers/Lagers/Wines/G and T's -oh
and don’t forget the Bollinger’s!!!! |
Time flies and before long it was 1AM and I
was feeling no Pain!!! The Dance floor was full and the D.J-Boogaloo Bill
from Stroud was in full flight playing anything from Ken Dodd to Black
Sabbath which totally confused many of the OAPs that had stayed up to Party!
I checked my watch and couldn’t believe that it was 1.45 and this signalled
that it was time for me to split as i was supposed to be playing Rugby in
the Morning. I had a job to find my old Vauxhall Viva amongst the Jaguars,
Porches and Rolls Royce’s but eventually I set off and before long I had
found the M5 and put my foot down taking my Car almost up to 70 mph which
for an old rust bucket
was quite an exhilarating experience! And then it happened- usually I am
aware of the Bass Drum rolling around on the Passenger Seat next to me. My
back seat is crammed to overload with Drum cases and stands etc. In the
front footwell would be my Cymbal Case and the Boot would be full also with
more Hardware-BUT NOT TONIGHT!!!!!!!!.
I had enjoyed myself so much and had tried to drink Gloucestershire dry
single handed that I had actually left my F......!! Drums behind.!!!!! |
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By the time I had
returned and collected my gear it was 3.45 AM when I got home and to cap it
all I was then LOCKED OUT!!! Needlessly to say I didn’t make it to Rugby and
spent the next day Spewing up on a fairly frequent basis. All Drummers out
there should be proud of me for maintaining the Dubious and farcical image
that we Drummers are tarnished with-but we wouldn't have it any other Way. |
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